LOW LIBIDO THROUGH THE MENOPAUSE
Depending on where you are in the world, there may be more or less conversation about this. Here in the UK, we can be ‘oh so British’ and slightly embarrassed when it comes to talking about sex.
But ladies, it’s a thing! And it can be a hugely distressing thing. So I'm here to have a chat about it...
why does our sex drive drop?
Physiological Factors:
As our reproductive hormones decline, the body seems to know our reproductive job is over, which could be one of the reasons for low libido.
As our estrogen levels drop:
The vagina can become much drier, the skin thinner and much more sensitive
There is less blood flow to the area, which can make it harder, or take much longer, to climax
Women can become much more prone to UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections)
Women may experience joint pain, fatigue, weight gain
All of the above can make sex much less pleasurable, and sometimes downright painful, or uncomfortable, making us more likely to want to avoid it completely.
Our testosterone levels can also drop, which can lead to less interest in sex.
Psychological Factors:
Through the menopause, many women experience:
Depression and anxiety
Body image concerns, and loss of confidence
Life stressors
All these will obviously make you less likely to feel sexy...
Interpersonal Factors:
If you’re having personal problems in your partnership to start with, this obviously won’t help sexual relations.
But if it's your physical symptoms that are leading you to avoid having sex, partners can feel hugely rejected. This can then start causing problems between you.
Socio-cultural Factors:
Cultural attitudes towards sex, and how we view ourselves as we age can also have an effect on our libido.
A woman’s value as a sexual person increases or decreases through the menopause according to the society in which she lives. In places where older women are revered and respected, sexual activity can actually increase in menopausal women.
But if the societal ‘dialogue’ is one of menopausal women becoming ‘old’, and ‘dried up’, women will be more likely to conform to this view, and internalise it themselves, which will affect the psyche and can lower libido.
let’s take a moment to pause on this… Let’s not beat ourselves up or panic about low libido. There are lots of things you can do about it.
Obviously, if you’re getting menopause symptoms like disturbed sleep, weight gain, hot flushes, low mood, dry vagina, UTIs, you’re not going to feel your sexiest self 😟
Throw in life stressors like juggling kids (of whatever age!), work, looking after the house, partners, and ageing parents, and sex can really go to the bottom of your 'to do' list 🙈
So first of all, be kind to yourself, accept that your body is going through some major changes, and you look at ways to improve the situation...
What can we do about it:
If you’re getting dry vagina, UTI’s, and finding sex painful, talk to your doctor about Hormone Replacement Therapy with estrogen and/or testosterone. This can come in the form of patches, gels, pills and sprays. You can also get topical hormone creams, that are only applied to the vagina, which can really help keep the vagina healthy, without going down the full HRT route.
You can also try non hormonal vaginal lubricants from the chemist. Water based lubricants are applied just before sexual activity. Vaginal moisturisers are applied every few days, and last a bit longer than lubricants.
If you’re getting other menopause symptoms like weight gain, anxiety, hot flushes, and fatigue, start taking action to feel good in yourself FIRST. If you’re feeling unfit and knackered, sex is the last thing you’ll feel like doing.
Make sure you’re doing some exercise every day to lift your mood, help maintain a healthy weight, and keep good blood circulation.
Practice Pelvic Floor exercises every day to keep the vaginal muscles strong and keep good blood flow to the area.
Make time for yourself to relax, with warm baths, meditation, and stretching especially in the evening to reduce stress levels.
Nourish your body with energy giving, whole, unprocessed food - vegetables, fruit, beans, nuts, seeds, whole grains, to help balance your hormones and maintain a healthy weight. Cut out sugar, and cut down on meat and dairy products.
You can try herbal remedies like red ginseng, maca, and tribulus to increase libido and energy. There is not much scientific evidence that these work, but some women do report increases in libido with these herbs.
Communicate with your partner. Let them know how you’re feeling, and the symptoms you're having. Explain that not feeling like having sex is no reflection on how you feel about them.
Practice affection with your partner even if you don’t feel like swinging from the chandeliers! Cuddling, touching, massage, kissing, all release our ‘love drug’, oxytocin, and can help keep that closeness with your partner even if you’re not having full sex. Affection can also lower stress, improve mood, preserve heart health, reduce blood pressure, and boost immunity.
Remember if you need extra support and guidance through the menopause sign up to our mailing list and …
So, remember, you are not alone. Many women are struggling with low libido through the menopause, but as you can see above, there are lots of things you can do about it.
Also, vaginal health is important to think about throughout our lives whether we are having sex or not.
And sex is good for you….with or without a partner! Orgasms are great stress relievers, and release a ton of happy hormones in the brain.
You don’t have to lose the passion as you go through menopause. It may just take a little bit more effort than it used to, but it’s well worth it!
Please don't suffer through the menopause alone. Millions of women are feeling the same way.
Spirit love and strength,
Dr. Clare & Sara x